Welcome to Discover Belonging
BELONGING AND STRESS
"There is no stress in the world, just people thinking stressful thoughts."
Wayne Dyer
Stress results from an imbalance between demands and resources.
R.S. Lazarus and S. Folkman (1984). Appraisal and Coping. New York: Springer.
There are many definitions of stress but this is probably the shortest and simplest. In all definitions of stress, the common element is a feeling of insecurity. In the context of having a sense of belonging, this feeling arises because our "sense of belonging" in a relationship is absent or being threatened.
In terms of the Six Critical Elements of a Sense of Belonging, the drive or need to belong is part of establishing our self-identity. We can experience stress if we perceive that any of the six elements may be threatened and result in a negative impact on our concept or formation of who we are or desire to be. In each of the Critical Elements listed below, Reflective Meditation and Constructive Meditation (see Belonging and Identity ) can be used to address the stress being experienced.
Critical Element #1
A desired and available relationship with a referent is brought to consciousness through reflection or experience
Stress may arise at the very first critical element from what is called "thwarted belonging" when the desired relationship is unavailable. Thwarted belongingness is associated with generally negative conditions such as loneliness, depression, social aggression, and suicidal tendencies (Baumester et al. 2007). In situations of thwarted belongingness, mindfulness training (see Belonging and Identity) has been found to reduce its negative effects. Studies have shown that mindfulness training reduced the tendency to perceive negative events as threatening and enhanced participants’ self-control. In other words, they did not have to let the rejection control their reaction or be a threat to their self-identity (DeWall, Deckman, Pond, and Bonser (2011).
Critical Element #2
Realization or initiation of a role toward that referent
Lavigne et al. (2011) discussed two primary orientations individuals have toward belongingness: a growth orientation that “is non-defensive and reflects genuine interest toward others,” and a deficit orientation that is “directed toward appeasing a need for security and fear of rejection” (p. 1186). Participants in my study evidenced both of these orientations in their relationships, sometimes working in concert.
A role relationship is a contextual identity that becomes part of an individual's self-identity. Joining a political party, joining a religious organization, becoming a member of a social group are all ways in which a role is adopted that relates to our beliefs, values, and goals. Stress may be experienced when a desired social role is threatened by dissociation such as excommunication, disbarment, membership revocation, or other actions. Physically, stress can occur when we cannot remain in a desired location (home). When this occurs, a person needs to evaluate their personal beliefs, values and goals related to this role and whether or not adjustments should be made to sustain it.
Critical Element #3
Belief that the role aligns with the person’s beliefs, values, or goals
As a role develops, the participants may discover their beliefs, values, and goals are not as aligned as anticipated or have changed. Stress is felt because the contextual identity of this relationship no longer aligns with the person's desired self-identity. For example, there is a negative effect on job satisfaction when corporate values conflict with worker values (Kumar, 2012). “Moral stress” created by a disparity in ethical values and expected employee behaviors has been connected to higher employee fatigue, decreased job satisfaction, and increased turnover (Detienne, Agle, Phillips, & Ingerson, 2012).
Critical Element #4
Belief that the role constructs or maintains self-identity by contributing to self-esteem, continuity, distinctiveness, (social) belonging, efficacy, or meaning
Roles (contextual identities) should be major sources of an individual's self-conception and self-esteem (Thoits, 1991). As mentioned in Critical Element #2, a role may be formed from a deficit or growth motivation. An example would be a person forming a relationship with an individual or organization believing they will be valued and appreciated which contributes to their feelings of self-esteem and meaning. Stress may be felt if they feel under appreciated or do not receive recognition for their role. Another example would be if a person strongly values their ability to contribute to the relationship but their efforts prove inadequate. Since their self-identity is constructed or maintained by their feelings of efficacy, they could feel stress that their contribution failed.
Critical Element #5
Interactions with the referent that remain within the individual’s expected parameters of the role relationship
Role clarity is critical to establishing the parameters of the relationship and determining whether or not the relationship is effectively meeting expectations. Frequently relationships experience stress at this point because role expectations were not clearly understood when the relationship was initiated or as it developed. Often people express "This job isn't what I thought it would be" or "Things aren't what I thought they would be in this relationship".
Critical Element #6
Interactions with the referent that are consistently and continually effective in meeting the individual’s expectations of the relationship
Life is not stagnant. Our desired self-identity and how it is constructed and maintained changes throughout our lives. Whether it is with a person, place, organization, or other type of referent we may find that a relationship is no longer needed or no longer meets our needs. Staying in such a relationship can be stressful however, choosing to end the relationship can be as well.
