Welcome to Discover Belonging
BELONGING and identity
“The true profession of a man is to find his way to himself.”
Hermann Hesse
Finding Our Self
Achieving a sense of belonging requires a person to discover and create their self-identity. Waterman (1984) defined [self] identity as “having a clearly delineated self-definition comprising the goals, values, and beliefs to which the person is unequivocally committed" (p. 331). Waterman presented metaphors of discovery and creation for two ways in which the task of striving to find those goals, values, and beliefs worthy of our commitment may be achieved. In the metaphor of identity as discovery, the individual comes to realize his innate character, potentials and talents. In the metaphor of identity as creation, the individual makes conscious choices as he encounters his environment and commits to what he has chosen to become.
Unfortunately, most people have committed to "goals, values, and beliefs" by default rather than by decision. Usually this means they have formed beliefs according to the religion of their parents and adopted values and goals based on their culture. Without pausing for deep and honest introspection, this adopted self-identity struggles with uncertainty trying to evaluate life's experiences.
Finding a Sense of Belonging
For years leading up to my research, meditation had been a part of my life. But, most times, my meditation focused on my need to improve and "be a better person" in comparison to some system of beliefs and values. My research led me to make a very fundamental shift in my approach. Rather than try to fit my "self" into an inherited arbitrary set of beliefs, values, and goals, I decided to discover who I really am and create the "self" I wanted to be. I began to realize that much of how I had tried to order my life was artificial and stress-inducing. Coming to this approach to life is really the prerequisite for the first Critical Element of a Sense of Belonging: "A desired and available relationship with a referent is brought to consciousness through reflection or experience." What makes the relationship desired is that we imagine that it fits with our personally discovered and created beliefs, values, and goals. It begins when we come to a conscious awareness of our true self and how we desire to relate to our environment.
Conscious Awareness
This is simply being aware of what we are aware of. Bringing into consciousness the presence of what we are experiencing in the various environments of our existence - being consciously aware of our thoughts and feelings in an environment or during an experience and being aware of the opportunities for desired and available relationships.
I found two meditation methods helpful in discovering myself and advancing along to a greater sense of belonging: Reflective Meditation and Constructive Meditation. In Reflective Meditation I simply a pause to be aware of my internal and external environment and how I am responding to it. In Constructive Meditation I consider what thoughts and actions may lead to improvement of a stressful environment or advancement of a favorable one.
In Reflective Meditation, I find the practice of Mindfulness a good place to start. I have used breathing exercises and "body scans" to become more mindful of my current consciousness. (See https://awakenpittsburgh.org/ for more information on Mindfulness.) From there, I use Mindful Self-inquiry to explore my thoughts and feelings about my current environment, relationships, and situations.
In Constructive Meditation, I use Cognitive Behavioral Techniques to explore possibilities of creating changes in my consciousness that could reduce the stress of negative considerations or advance opportunities for positive ones.
At the stage of Conscious Awareness, I use Reflective Meditation to bring to consciousness my physical, social, cultural, and spiritual environments and how I think and feel about them. Usually one area will emerge as the focus of a particular meditation. It may be a relationship I had not considered before or just had not fully explored in my thoughts and feelings. I can pause to appreciate this relationship or I may realize it is a point of stress. Then, using Mindful Self-inquiry, I can ask myself why this relationship is what it is to me.
I can then move on to Constructive Meditation by embracing the positive effects of the relationship and letting it strengthen me or facing the negative effects of the relationship and choosing how to cope with them.
Research into the field of belonging has mostly focused on social belonging, but this is actually the least stable connection we have. I believe we can learn much about how to live in harmony with our surroundings from indigenous cultures. Usually, they had a greater relationship with, and appreciation for the natural world. Julian Brave NoiseCat (a writer and advocate for Indigenous people) says "In the fast-paced modern world, we don’t have any notion that we are in relationship with the natural world. We don’t have a notion that we should really give thanks for the things that we get from the natural world. " I believe much of our anxiety and depression stems from too singular a focus on social relationships for our sense of belonging.
The primary characteristic of Conscious Awareness is realizing we are not separate from all existence. We are part of all existence. When we search for a "sense of belonging" we must begin with the awareness that whether we are here due to the creative act of a divine being or the processes of a natural evolution - we belong here. We have a right to be.
Restful Consciousness
As greater awareness of our being part of all existence develops, we begin to be more aware that this existence is accommodating to us. We need air, water and food and this environment provides these for us. In Reflective Meditation we can realize our role in a respectful coexistence and come to embrace rather than fear, or try to dominate, our natural surroundings. Our breath becomes a source of comfort and assurance. The sky a promise of warming sunlight and refreshing rain. The trees and plants a gift of food and provision. Our natural environment becomes a place of rest. As we align our beliefs, values, and goals with our natural environment, our realization of belonging increases.
As we become more restful, we can use Constructive Meditation to contemplate the sources of unrest as they arise. Why am I experiencing unrest in this circumstance? What causes this? How can I create a new relationship with this part of my environment (find the courage I need to change the circumstance)? If this is not possible, how can I prevent this from bringing unrest (adjust my beliefs, values, or goals) to retain my serenity within the circumstance)?
Nurturing Consciousness
Ecology and concern about climate change has increasingly become part of our awareness. I believe the efforts toward creating a human race that is not only aware of its effects on its environment but actually behaves in regard to how it affects its environment begins with Conscious Awareness and must pass through Restful Consciousness. We cannot be nurtured by our environment (including our social environment) and regard it as something we are at odds with and must either dominate by force or accommodate by sacrifices. We must learn the reality that the environment welcomes our existence and is able to sustain our existence if we collaborate rather than try to compete with it. In Reflective Meditation we can consider our role in our environment and the mutual expectations that come with that role. In Constructive Meditation we can consider how our environment meets our expectations (nurturing us) and how we respond with behaviors that nurture our environment. A sense of belonging in our relationship to our physical existence can be a strong stabilizing force as we experience disruptions in our other types of relationships.
